Dress Codes; Policing the Next Generation of Women

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From elementary school through high school, dress codes are a hot topic for disgruntled young people who just want to wear their spaghetti strap top or their ripped jeans (do high schoolers still wear ripped jeans?). While certain dress codes are reasonable and there for protection, such as only allowing close-toed shoes in gym class and science labs, other dress codes are simply sexism dressed up in the idea that we want students to look “professional.”

I call bullshit.

I challenge you to think about how many times your administration has had a female student change, and how many times that same administration has had a male student change. Maybe an unfair comparison, as many girls wear shorter shorts and shirts with narrower straps than boys. But why are girls in yoga pants criticized, but boys in sweatpants whose junk is all but in your face fine? As a college student, I see just as many outlines of men’s nether regions in sweatpants and athletic shorts as I do women’s nether regions in yoga pants and leggings. I see just as many men’s nipples poking through their thin shirts as I do women’s thighs in short shorts. Why are women so often told they’re being offensive and too sexual? Why are we telling these women that their clothes are “showing too much?” Why are we saying that “leave most to the imagination” is sexier than showing it off, all the while obsessing over Kate Upton in bathing suits and celebrity nudes?

Dress codes in schools simply police what is and what isn’t allowed for a girl to be. We’re teaching young girls that their body is shameful, it’s something to be hidden, and those three inches above your knee and that shoulder is way too sexy for boys to even control themselves. And this should be offensive to boys, too. Strict dress codes imply that boys are so animalistic that they can’t possibly focus in class while the strap on little Sarah’s training bra is showing. It normalizes insane sexualization of the female body from a young age. It tells young girls that their bodies are to be made a spectacle of and tells young boys that if he can’t control himself, it’s the girl’s fault–she was seducing him. To me, that sounds like a slippery slope that leads right into rape culture. Ooooh, she said the thing!

Sure, there’s the argument that we should dress appropriately for a situation. But public school classes are by no means a red carpet affair. It’s not right to tell girls that they’re not dressing appropriately for class when the boy sitting next to her has his bunched-up plaid boxers proudly displayed like a baboon. And don’t even get me started (just kidding, too late) on parents and teachers who think that girls should be sent home for wearing something they deem is too sexy. Let me reiterate: parents think preteen girls should be sent home because they’re too sexy. Still too abstract? Sexualizing girls, sometimes girls who haven’t even hit the double digits yet, is considered okay and normal.

Sending girls home from school because of the way they’re dressed sends a huge, disgusting message slathered in sexism. Think this doesn’t happen? I guarantee that any girl you ask can tell you a story of how she or one of her friends was sent home or was taken out of class to change her clothes. This says that a boy’s right to objectify the female body is more important than a girl’s right to obtain an education.

Take a look at your local high school, middle school or even elementary school’s dress code and you’ll see a common theme. Or look at mine–here’s the first rule from my elementary school’s student handbook, organized under “dress code.” Keep in mind this dress code is for girls aged between five and 11 years of age:

Low-cut tops, see-through blouses, midriff tops, tank tops, spaghetti straps, very short skirts or shorts are
examples of styles which are considered unacceptable for students.

Can we start realizing how sexist this is, or should we continue to tell young girls that they are all succubi who are waiting for boys to feast their eyes on the girls’ too-sexy shoulders and thighs? Let’s stop being hypocrites. Telling young girls to be proud of, and feel good in their bodies after years of saying that they should be ashamed and sexualized is backwards and all kinds of nasty.

Stop strict dress codes. Stop the sexualization of the female body.

The “Friend Zone” Isn’t a Thing, and You’re Not a “Nice Guy”

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Thankfully, I’ve heard less and less of the “Friend Zone,” lately–but still have heard enough of it to feel the burning rage of Smaug in my stomach when I hear the term. What is the Friend Zone? It’s the place self-proclaimed “nice guys” claim to be when their close female friend doesn’t want to have sex or be romantic with them. And it doesn’t exist. WHAT!? We’ve all, at some point, been accused of Friend Zoning a guy friend. We’ve all, at some point, felt guilty of allegedly doing so. And we’ve all, at some point, realized how idiotic that idea is.

 

These “nice guys” can be picked out by tell-tale phrases like, “Girls only date assholes,” “Nice guys finish last,” “But I’m such a nice guy!” Pro tip: If you’re manipulating a person just to get sex or romance out of the deal, you’re probably not a nice guy. I know, I know, shocking. Buckle up, nice guys, it’s about to get uncomfortable.

 

These Friend Zoned “nice guys” bitterly objectify women, reducing their female friend to either her body or her ability to give them affirmation. Women aren’t a game, and they make their own choices. Real choices. The Friend Zone assumes that women are unable to decide for themselves, and can somehow to coerced into sex or a relationship if the “nice guy” just tries harder, buys her more things, desperately breaks down every other man she finds interest in. Both types of coercion, are, like I said above, manipulation and not the acts of a nice guy. The Friend Zone implies that women and men are unable to have a strong, healthy friendship without sex. It also implies that the ultimate goal of every male-female relationship is sex or romance.

 

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Oh Urban Dictionary, you’re so charming.

 

It can be summed up in three words why a woman doesn’t want to have a romantic relationship with you or doesn’t want to have sex with you: she just doesn’t. It’s not because she’s some crazy psychobitch who only has sex with rock stars and models and quarterbacks (collective sigh), it’s not because she thinks you’re ugly, it’s not because she wants to be wooed and wined and dined more. It’s because she doesn’t want to. It’s all very hard to swallow, but trust me on this.

 

The Friend Zone isn’t only perpetuated by men, however. Oftentimes women will accuse their female friends of Friend Zoning a guy because they think the girl will be happier with him, or they feel bad for him. “But he’s so sweet! Why don’t you like him?” And the only real answer to that question is “Because I don’t.” If there’s a way to force yourself to fall in love/lust with someone, I have yet to find it. She’s not trying to Friend Zone you. Is her friendship not enough? Trust me, she’s really sorry she can’t devote all of her love, attention and libido to you, so please stop trying to make her feel guilty for not being sexually or romantically attracted to you. You freakin’ jerk.

 

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Princess Bubblegum sums it up so perfectly.