Thankfully, I’ve heard less and less of the “Friend Zone,” lately–but still have heard enough of it to feel the burning rage of Smaug in my stomach when I hear the term. What is the Friend Zone? It’s the place self-proclaimed “nice guys” claim to be when their close female friend doesn’t want to have sex or be romantic with them. And it doesn’t exist. WHAT!? We’ve all, at some point, been accused of Friend Zoning a guy friend. We’ve all, at some point, felt guilty of allegedly doing so. And we’ve all, at some point, realized how idiotic that idea is.
These “nice guys” can be picked out by tell-tale phrases like, “Girls only date assholes,” “Nice guys finish last,” “But I’m such a nice guy!” Pro tip: If you’re manipulating a person just to get sex or romance out of the deal, you’re probably not a nice guy. I know, I know, shocking. Buckle up, nice guys, it’s about to get uncomfortable.
These Friend Zoned “nice guys” bitterly objectify women, reducing their female friend to either her body or her ability to give them affirmation. Women aren’t a game, and they make their own choices. Real choices. The Friend Zone assumes that women are unable to decide for themselves, and can somehow to coerced into sex or a relationship if the “nice guy” just tries harder, buys her more things, desperately breaks down every other man she finds interest in. Both types of coercion, are, like I said above, manipulation and not the acts of a nice guy. The Friend Zone implies that women and men are unable to have a strong, healthy friendship without sex. It also implies that the ultimate goal of every male-female relationship is sex or romance.
It can be summed up in three words why a woman doesn’t want to have a romantic relationship with you or doesn’t want to have sex with you: she just doesn’t. It’s not because she’s some crazy psychobitch who only has sex with rock stars and models and quarterbacks (collective sigh), it’s not because she thinks you’re ugly, it’s not because she wants to be wooed and wined and dined more. It’s because she doesn’t want to. It’s all very hard to swallow, but trust me on this.
The Friend Zone isn’t only perpetuated by men, however. Oftentimes women will accuse their female friends of Friend Zoning a guy because they think the girl will be happier with him, or they feel bad for him. “But he’s so sweet! Why don’t you like him?” And the only real answer to that question is “Because I don’t.” If there’s a way to force yourself to fall in love/lust with someone, I have yet to find it. She’s not trying to Friend Zone you. Is her friendship not enough? Trust me, she’s really sorry she can’t devote all of her love, attention and libido to you, so please stop trying to make her feel guilty for not being sexually or romantically attracted to you. You freakin’ jerk.